A Mother Knows She Has Boys When...

© 2005 Paula J. Schmitt, All Rights Reserved.

As a mom there is life B.B. (before boys) and then there is life A.B. (after boys). I question any mother’s sanity should she decide to continue onward for that junior basketball team of five. I know all too well what it is like to raise boys. I have four and quickly stopped there as I pondered the consequences of my future. Not a pretty picture.

A mother knows she has boys when...

The walls and accessories in each of the rooms of the house are shades of blue;

She gets a shower of gold upon every diaper change;

She finds that her home and the surrounding yard of said home are decorated with every sports ball imaginable;

She begins to imitate the sounds of toys to family and friends daily, i.e, toot-toot and vroom- vroom;

The television set only knows Bob the Builder and Thomas the Tank Engine;

Frogs and lizards become indoor pets, naturally;

The walls in the house have dirty handprints throughout (so artistic);

She enjoys the karate chop of her favorite action figure come playtime;

During holiday season shopping her cart is filled with Hot Wheels, G.I. Joes and Nerf balls;

Doing laundry she discovers pockets filled with rocks and dirt;

Everyday when her children come home from school and when asking them what was the highlight of their day they respond, GYM;

There is a constant stale odor lingering in the air (you know, farts are funny);

The permanent position of all toilet seats throughout the house is UP;

She can no longer see the blue paint of her children’s bedroom walls since sports posters have covered every square inch of wall space;

She grocery shops every week and the food magically disappears within a couple of days;

All her children’s clothing features the word NIKE;

She is off at a sports event 365 days of the year;

She’s on a first name basis with the staff at the emergency room;

The teenage girls are swarming the house like bees on honey;

She thanks God for those boys every night.

Paula Schmitt is a writer and the "All Sports Mom" to four boys and one daughter living in Central Vermont. When she's not swamped in laundry, grocery shopping and writing deadlines her hobbies include dusting, cleaning bathrooms and traveling to her son's sporting events. She writes a column, Mommy Mediator, at JustForMom.com and a column, The All Sports Mom, at SanityCentral.com, RaisingOurKids.com, MommyHullabaloo.com, Penwomanship.com, and ShowMomTheMoney.com. Paula has been published in the Herald of Randolph, Adopting for Tomorrow magazine, WriteFromHome.com, Witwords.com, iparentingstories.com, ThePhilosophicalMother.com and several other parenting sites. In between her kids play dates, music lessons and unexpected sports injuries she is attempting to write her second non-fiction book. The author's first book, Living In A Locker Room: A Mom's Tale of Survival In A Houseful of Boys, will be available March of 2005.

To read more of her columns visit www.paulaschmitt.com and for some much needed adult conversation email her at paula@paulaschmitt.com.

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