The Dawn of a Work at Home Mom – Translation…HELP!
By Julianne Johnson

The sun rises in the east and thus begins a new day. So they tell me, anyway. I am hardly ever up to see it and on the few occasions I am conscious, I couldn’t tell you east from west or north from Kansas! All this will soon change. I have a feeling I am going to be up into the wee small hours of the morning. I am about to embark on a new venture in my professional and personal life. No, I am not getting my house ready for feng shui. I am about to become a mother. Not just any mother, mind you, a special breed of mother. A work at home mother.

In this day and age, few households can sustain themselves on a single income. Gone are the Donna Reeds and June Cleavers. I’ll venture to say this is fine, though. Do any of us really want to don a puffy skirt and apron to clean dishes and change diapers? I don’t even own a string of pearls and I am not entirely convinced I own an iron at this point. I’ll take my yoga pants any day! Still, their calming presence and mothering skills are evident in these quintessential characters of old. I find myself having panic attacks. Will I be able to make three meals a day, clean the house, do the laundry, stimulate my new born and format Power Point presentations?

Will the baby suffer? Will my marriage suffer? What will happen if the baby cries while I am on a conference call?

“The feedback we received from last month’s management meeting… Hush, Portia, honey, mommy will hold you in a minute.”

I have images of Spencer Tracy in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, one minute the consummate doctor attending his business and the next, a lunatic screaming with bulging eyes, trying to find the Barney Sing-a-long tape. I have to remind myself to relax. I have an active imagination.

Or do I? I don’t really think I am that far off. Here we are in the 21st century, the age of speed and information. We are accustomed to being able to get information off the internet, while scheduling a conference and chatting with our friends on instant messenger. As a logical adult, I understand that multi-tasking is going to be a large part of my life once baby comes. So instead of chatting or scheduling, I will be typing and diapering. I’ll spend my long lunches with Dora the Explorer and work late hours, relieved of my first duty once my husband gets home from work. Home from work, that actually sounds comical to me now.

My friends who are work at home moms laugh sadistically at me.

“You think you’ll be able to maintain that website? Honey, you’ll be happy if you can take a shower!”

“So you’re gonna bake apple pies and pickle your own tomatoes? Yeah, good luck!”

According to Maggie Gallagher a journalist and content writer for Yahoo editorials, ten and a half million children have full time, stay at home moms, up nearly 13 percent over the last decade. And Ms. Gallagher continues, that number is taking the strictest definition of a full time mom. If you worked even 1 hour in a week, then you are not considered a full time, stay at home mom. So someone tell me something, does that mean the rest of us are part time, stay at home moms? Are all those 13 million kids getting baked pies and home canned vegetables? Will my child be deprived if I rely heavily on Hostess and Stouffers? I’m beginning to break a sweat here.

I’m nothing, if not a realist. I think this is a good quality for all mothers, but especially for those that work from their home. Really, I am already discovering that ALL mothers work from home. The ones that are work at home moms, actually hold down two jobs, that of mother and that of professional. Part time, my rump! We should be paid twice.

Hats off to Donna and June, but today’s moms have to be able to do it all that and then some. Great. I just succeeded in scaring myself to death. Well, there is no time for nerves. The sun is about to rise on a new chapter…wish me luck!