Mommy's Helper - Floorspace

By Dan Reinhold

Odd how frightening the unknown can be.

The other day, I encountered something so rare and unusual, it was like a dream.

The last unexplored and little understood frontier.

Floorspace.

With two boys in the house, pandemonium is the norm. Both toys and clothing desert the confines of bureaus and shelves, instead preferring to claim their rightful place on the bedroom floor where they are much closer to hand.

The wide expanses upon which we walk provide a home to all that land upon it – wrappers, paper, books, blankets, hermit crabs…

Oh…that’s another story.

The reassuring squishes, crunches and snaps bring comfort to the young overseers, confident that somewhere below…the floor is there.

I entered this domain with an awe borne of my desensitisation to shock at the sight. Valiant and determined forays to tame the wilderness had always been undone by its rapid regrowth, rivaling any spreading menace known to man.

This day, my eye lit upon a sight so strange, so wondruous that I was transfixed by it. The legends were true, the evidence revealed…In the middle of the room, was a flat,, shallow space foreign to its surroundings. It was like gazing upon the Holy Grail.

Floorspace.

Fearful at the sight no parent of boys had seen, I began to sweat and shiver, with a deep ache within. I stood frozen as the two overseers entered the room.

“Hi, Dad!”

“Uh…Dad?”

“What’s up with Dad??”

My mouth moved, but no sound came forth as I pointed toward the mystery.

“Think he’s OK?”

“Yeah…probably just a heart attack or something”

“Oh…….wanna play ball?”

“OK!!”

Side note: Should you ever need assistance while in my area, I highly recommend the local paramedic service. Very prompt and efficient, although their dispatchers require further training in interpreting gasps and chokes…

Staring at the ambulance ceiling light, I felt a sense of peace and enlightenment.

Let others pursue Shangri-La.

I had seen…Floorspace.

With two boys, a dog, a cat, a wife and a household to keep together to boot, Dan Reinhold is the editor of WAHumor to hang on to his sanity by showing how insane the work-at-home community can be. Work at home? You deserve a laugh!

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