You Know You Have Small Children When… By Christine Louise Hohlbaum
We have no idea how our lives will change once we have
children.
Then, we have them. In case you haven't noticed, this may have
happened to you, too.
You know you have small children when...
· You think five consecutive hours of sleep is a restful
night;
· The pockets of every coat you own are filled with cereal;
· You use your sunglasses instead of a hair clip to keep
your hair
out of your eyes;
· You no longer carry cash in your wallet, but lots of
Band-Aids;
· You have 911 saved in your speed dial;
· You get excited at the sight of heavy farm machinery
(especially
when it is bright yellow and makes lots and lots of noise);
· You find yourself singing "Wheels on the Bus"
in the shower;
· You know where every bathroom is located in the stores
you
frequent;
· You think that eating a meal in one sitting (without
ever getting
up) is only something people do in the movies;
· You prefer to browse the toy section rather than the
adult
clothing department of any given superstore;
· Every window in the house that is below three feet has
permanent
grease marks;
· Even your new car smells like sour milk;
· Every pair of pants you own has a stain on the thighs
from holding
persons with very dirty sandbox feet;
· You think planning a date with your partner two weeks
in advance
is being spontaneous;
· You think staying up past 10 p.m. is way too late;
· You have replaced your `completion complex' with a satisfied
grin
every time you manage to empty your dish washer within five
attempts;
· You begin to view your friends as Disney characters;
· You never take a vacation without your in-laws;
· You actually do grow eyes in the back of your head;
· You find yourself speaking to your partner in short,
breathy
commands "Milk, now!" or "I want juuuuuuuuice!"
· You don't think you sound ridiculous when you say, "Little
Johnny,
stop licking the framed poster of Gustav Klimt's `The Kiss'!"
· You dream of wiping, wiping, wiping;
· You never sniff the wash anymore to determine its level
of
dirtiness – if it found its way to the laundry room, you
don't ask
questions!
· You can't remember the PIN to your on-line checking account,
but
you can recite all the names of the seven dwarfs from Snow White;
· You start to wonder why friends and family don't visit
as much any
more and never, ever spend the night (they value their sleep,
too!);
· You actually want to go to the zoo;
· Your heart is filled with the spontaneous display of
love that
bursts out of their little souls, wraps around your spirit, and
takes you to heaven and back at any given moment in the day.
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting
Stories and Other Stuff, has been writing short stories since
she
was eleven years old. She is an American living near Munich, Germany
with her husband and two children. Visit her web site at: http://mypages.iparenting.com/webs/diaryofamother/diaryofamother.html
